On June 3, 2005, at the tender age of three months, Beth and I drove Ashlyn to the children’s hospital for her first surgery. We prayed together asking the Lord to be with us. We also acknowledged that Ashlyn was His.

Surgery was successful. Two days after surgery, Ashlyn was ready for discharge. We arrived at her hospital room just as the nurse was writing up our at-home instructions. Sweetly, the nurse had placed Ashlyn in a mechanical swing just inside the hospital room door, as if to say, “I’m ready to go home, Mom and Dad!” We said hello, briefly talked with the nurse for a minute or two, and then glanced at Ashlyn again.

Ashlyn didn’t look normal. In fact, she looked gray. The nurse tried to arouse her, but she didn’t move. The nurse then grabbed her from the swing, placed her in the hospital crib, and hit the red emergency call button. Suddenly, doctors and nurses flooded into the room. 

Ashlyn was neither breathing nor was her heart beating. Everyone worked diligently to resuscitate Ashlyn. At that moment, Beth and I walked the hospital floor crying out to God to save our child. However, we knew that she was truly His and if He should take her, then He would still be good.

Ashlyn was never fully resuscitated. They hooked her up to a ventilator which forced her to breathe and gave her a shot of epinephrine once a minute to cause her heart to beat, but she never regained vitals of her own. Ashlyn was officially declared brain dead. 

We lost our first child at the age of 3 months.

Grief was not new to Beth or to me. In addition to Ashlyn’s passing, we had lost two babies in utero already, one to ectopic pregnancy and another in miscarriage. We wondered if we would ever have children to raise on the earth. God saw our grief and longing and he answered. On March 17th, 2006, Caydence was born. She is our oldest living daughter.  Raquel arrived 19 months later. After two more heartbreaking miscarriages, God gave us our youngest child Sienna in 2010.  

Although so much joy entered our home with our three girls, trials ensued because of the heartache of those years yearning for children. Seven years elapsed between our first ectopic pregnancy and Sienna’s birth, and Beth had been pregnant with eight children during those years. Only three had lived. As a result of so much pregnancy/infant trauma, I suffered from PTSD for a long while. I didn’t even know that I was suffering for many years. During this time, God was with me. I spent time with Him daily, even though I was hurting. I spent time with others, even though it was a great challenge.

I’d like to say I walked those trials perfectly. I didn’t. I was angry at times, which manifested in various ways. Nevertheless, God walked me through the pain, and over time He had me surrender more. He would be good no matter if He ever gave me children for me to raise, but He demonstrated His goodness to me in this way by answering the prayer of my heart.

I always wanted to be a great dad, and God gave me the gift of fathering daughters. As I healed, I took the best practices from great dads and applied it to my parenting. God revealed a lot to me along the way in His Word, through others, and in prayer. As I applied it, I saw that my girls loved me, wanted to hang out with me, and loved Jesus. They are teenagers now and are well on their way to successful lives as young women.

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Over the years, people told me I was a great dad. They noticed how I spoke to my daughters and how I spent time with them. They noticed that my girls would come to me for anything. Some specifically questioned how I was able to maintain a healthy relationship with my girls even during their teenage years. I was encouraged by these remarks, but thought nothing further of them.

Not long ago, a friend asked me if I would coach him as a dad.  He had noticed that I was a great dad and desired to apply the principles I had learned. I honestly hadn’t even considered that other men might want coaching on how to be a great dad, but God gave me a little nudge and encouraged me to offer coaching to others in the same position. Hence, Girl Dad Coach was born!